Spanish views from a small town

I have not been writing at all, lately. I have curled into myself, and begun a hibernation of sorts. I still go over the book I have written, detecting holes and trying to plug them, while I despair of it ever becoming something anybody wants to read. I have a painting that is sitting, waiting for the final touches that never seem to come. My thoughts refuse to leave my head. Partially, it's because the world is so messed up, so wrong, so much worse, that a small despair has crept in, that, no matter how much I, or anybody, cry out against it, nothing will change. I feel we are like ants that can do nothing about the anthill we live in because we have no say in anything that goes on. We merely continue plodding forward, building our anthill further out, ignoring the tunnels that are caving in as a consequence. So, I turn to nature, and take my walks whenever I can. Of late, that is not too often because of the weather. And the few days that are good, I have errands to run or work t...

As of twelve this morning, I am now on vacation. Not that it means much, except that I can spend my time as I see fit. This afternoon, I went into town to check the lottery tickets we had, and to get some special cuts of meat for the upcoming dinners and suppers. And stock up on cat food. There's no such thing as too much cat food in this house. I went first to the supermarket, which had more people than it usually has on a weekday afternoon. Still, it wasn't crowded and I had no problem finding what I was looking for, though perhaps less variety. Then, I went to the lottery, where I, and a few other people had to wait ten minutes until it opened. (Minimal luck on the tickets. At least I got some money back.) When I left, I passed by a couple of cafés that had had one or two people sitting on their terraces earlier. But, as I walked back to the car, five o'clock had passed by and they were either closed or closing.  Generally, I start to feel the excitement of Christmas aft...

It's just two days before Christmas and I have things to do and buy before tomorrow evening, but my mind and my body don't feel like moving, thinking, or dealing with what needs to be done. It's a dark, pearly gray outside. It seems as if the world has shut me in my house, which has shut me in my mind. In the morning the darkness does not let me wake up until almost lunchtime. It doesn't matter that I'm out of bed. I am waiting for the daylight to reach me, but it doesn't. In the afternoon I will probably set out as early as possible, but most shops won't open until four or five in the afternoon. And by then night will be falling, and the gray light will simply get darker until night enshrouds all. I envy those who like days like today. People who seem cozy with the dim light, the eternal moisture, and the early darkness. I may ask for a day like this one once every eleven months. No more. I am more of a sunlight freak. On days like this whenever I notic...