Household Tyrants
There is a program on television that is a reality show that tries to help families. A relative calls the show and asks for help with a troubled adolescent. That adolescent receives help from the show's psychologists and is taught to rethink his relationship with his parents and other family members. It doesn't stop being a reality show. It only treats the adolescent for about two weeks and then hands him off to local psychologists and rehab centers. Still, it has a large public for a couple of reasons. One is the usual; we all love to see inside a family, have its problems explained and see them kicking and screaming at each other. As humans we are voyeurs of others' problems and love to shake our heads and pat ourselves on the back when they don't affect us. The other reason is the increase in problem adolescents.
It can be seen in schools and grades. When my generation went to school here, only one or two would fail in June. Rarely would someone be kept back. Now, it's the other way round. Grades are posted in the window of the high school in June (to know whether or not to apply for the next grade) and only one or two in each class pass every subject. Most have to sit recuperation exams in September. Some don't even bother, having failed five, six, seven, or all their subjects. The problem is, they don't care. And sometimes their parents simply can't cope with them. No matter how they cajole or threaten, their teenager simply shrugs everything off. Some of these exhibit problems at home, as well. They will demand money, go off on their own with other, like-minded friends, and do whatever they well please. A few have reached the point in which they physically assault their parents. There are cases that appear on the news of youngsters denounced by their family to the police because of abuse. Some of that behavior also shows up in class; when they bother to make an appearance.
The problem is that before the crisis there was handy money and construction jobs where you could earn over two thousand euros a month were easy to find. As little children, today's adolescents were left alone with their grandparents after school and spoiled by them. Then, when the parents came home, they would get lots of shiny new presents. The newest cell phone, the latest game for the latest game console, the latest fashions with the names everyone was wearing, fifty presents or more at Christmas, another fifty for their birthday. As soon as they started turning eleven and twelve, they could start going out with their friends and take plenty of money. And the generation I belong to is mostly reactionary. Our parents and their times were strict. Most of my contemporaries resolved to not be strict with their children, but to become their children's friends. As a result, few rules were laid down, and most were broken with the parents' complicity.
And so the groundwork was laid for teenagers that expect instant gratification. Rules apply to anyone except them. The world is theirs to do whatever they want, and the parents are exepected to foot the bill. Something difficult to do in these hard times of unemployment and low salaries. And parents don't understand why their little angel has turned into a horned devil that makes their home a living hell. And hence, a growing despondency of many parents becomes a profitable television show. The show paints loving pictures of reformed teenagers at the end of the hour, but it's not that easy. Some of the children treated as a result of the show did reform and become sensible adults. Others fell back into the same rut a few weeks after the show's treatment.
But the problem is there. It's a social problem brought on by mistaken ideas of parenting. It's called the little emperor syndrome and it's an apt name. The child emperor rules his empire and all the family are his subjects. It is used to describe the problem in China tied to the one-child family policy. Those only children are generally the ones who get all the attention, all the material goods, and everything they want. Especially in these past twenty years, ever since the opening up of Chinese society to capitalism. The parents suffered as children during the end of the Cultural Revolution and now wish their children to have only the best. But it's not just the Chinese, the problem is prevalent wherever parents renege their obligations to be parents and not just friends and fairy godmothers.
Parenting isn't easy, but some problems are avoidable if they're addressed when the child is still a child, long before the horned devil appears.
It can be seen in schools and grades. When my generation went to school here, only one or two would fail in June. Rarely would someone be kept back. Now, it's the other way round. Grades are posted in the window of the high school in June (to know whether or not to apply for the next grade) and only one or two in each class pass every subject. Most have to sit recuperation exams in September. Some don't even bother, having failed five, six, seven, or all their subjects. The problem is, they don't care. And sometimes their parents simply can't cope with them. No matter how they cajole or threaten, their teenager simply shrugs everything off. Some of these exhibit problems at home, as well. They will demand money, go off on their own with other, like-minded friends, and do whatever they well please. A few have reached the point in which they physically assault their parents. There are cases that appear on the news of youngsters denounced by their family to the police because of abuse. Some of that behavior also shows up in class; when they bother to make an appearance.
The problem is that before the crisis there was handy money and construction jobs where you could earn over two thousand euros a month were easy to find. As little children, today's adolescents were left alone with their grandparents after school and spoiled by them. Then, when the parents came home, they would get lots of shiny new presents. The newest cell phone, the latest game for the latest game console, the latest fashions with the names everyone was wearing, fifty presents or more at Christmas, another fifty for their birthday. As soon as they started turning eleven and twelve, they could start going out with their friends and take plenty of money. And the generation I belong to is mostly reactionary. Our parents and their times were strict. Most of my contemporaries resolved to not be strict with their children, but to become their children's friends. As a result, few rules were laid down, and most were broken with the parents' complicity.
And so the groundwork was laid for teenagers that expect instant gratification. Rules apply to anyone except them. The world is theirs to do whatever they want, and the parents are exepected to foot the bill. Something difficult to do in these hard times of unemployment and low salaries. And parents don't understand why their little angel has turned into a horned devil that makes their home a living hell. And hence, a growing despondency of many parents becomes a profitable television show. The show paints loving pictures of reformed teenagers at the end of the hour, but it's not that easy. Some of the children treated as a result of the show did reform and become sensible adults. Others fell back into the same rut a few weeks after the show's treatment.
But the problem is there. It's a social problem brought on by mistaken ideas of parenting. It's called the little emperor syndrome and it's an apt name. The child emperor rules his empire and all the family are his subjects. It is used to describe the problem in China tied to the one-child family policy. Those only children are generally the ones who get all the attention, all the material goods, and everything they want. Especially in these past twenty years, ever since the opening up of Chinese society to capitalism. The parents suffered as children during the end of the Cultural Revolution and now wish their children to have only the best. But it's not just the Chinese, the problem is prevalent wherever parents renege their obligations to be parents and not just friends and fairy godmothers.
Parenting isn't easy, but some problems are avoidable if they're addressed when the child is still a child, long before the horned devil appears.
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