Wedding or First Communion?
The season isn't quite over. In August we tend to have the last celebrations. The first (and more numerous) are in June. No, not weddings, communions. Though they're almost like weddings here. The crisis has stopped some families from going overboard, but it's still too much.
I remember my First Communion in Boston. It was in the month of May, and since the church had a school attached, very numerous. All the second-graders who attended the school, and practicing Catholics who didn't, made their communion en masse. No exceptions. I remember we occupied almost half the pews. After private pictures in front of the church, and a short stint at a photographer's studio, we went home, where my mother cooked for us and our guests, ten people total. There were two children invited with whom I played. Though it was May it was cold and we stayed indoors. (Around that date we had a late snowstorm.) That was a typical communion in Boston in those days.
In these days here a communion is big business. First, the dress. (I know more about girls' communions than boys' because I have a daughter I had to prepare for one.) You go to a store where they sell clothes for ceremonies. You look at the price tag; you look at your daughter. Is she about to receive a communion wafer for the first time or is she about to get married? While not quite as expensive as a wedding dress, communion dresses aren't cheap. Some price tags have numbers that make you want to run screaming out of the shop and declare your family atheists. (The only reason our daughter had First Communion was because of her grandparents. They contributed to make sure she took it.) And it's always more expensive for girls than for boys. Raw machismo. I mean, six hundred euros for a dress? That's what I paid for my wedding dress twenty years ago. (I don't even want to know what a wedding dress costs now!) Our daughter's dress was the cheapest we could find but still pretty.
Then, setting a date. Normally the communions are done when a parish celebrates the Holy Sacrament, the day the floral carpets are laid out and a procession goes around the parish. But not all families decide on that day. Our daughter made hers in August, along with her cousin and another friend. Sometimes families will want their child to be the only one taking Holy Communion so that attention will be focused on them. Those tend to be the families that like to show off their wealth and then eat a steady diet of cooked potatoes to be able to afford it. I didn't want the bother of the procession but I didn't want to be the only family up there, either, so we pacted with the other families, who didn't mind sharing the limelight.
Photographer. There is no communion without a photographer. There are studio photographs, and photographs in front of the altar alone, with parents, with grandparents, with cousins, with aunts and uncles, with friends, etc. Of course, the photo shoot in a garden or park can't be forgotten. Then there are photos at the restaurant of the child and all the guests. And of course, videos. Videos of the ceremony and later of each guest stuffing his face, just like at a wedding. And the photographer's price tag is just like at a wedding, too.
Next, the food. No celebration in Spain can be declared a celebration without food in abundance. For our daughter we had ordered the food from a restaurant whose owner is a friend of my husband's and we set up a table under our grape arbor in the shade. It was immediate family with an invited cousin. We ate well, drank well, and laid back as you can only do at home after you kick off your shoes. It was an agreeable afternoon. We were the exception. That's not how things are done here normally. Normally, the celebration takes place in a restaurant. With about a hundred fifty guests. If a plate at a wedding costs around a hundred euros, for a communion it can be from fifty to seventy, depending on how much shellfish you want and what vintage wine. Or more. Restaurants already have children's areas with inflatable slides, etc. You can even pay to hire amusement for the children.
And, of course, presents. People shudder when they receive a wedding invitation. Because it implies a lot of cash. You have to buy nice clothing, shoes, go to the hairdresser, and give a present. Unless you're not going, in which case you can give a material present, you have to give cash. The custom here is to give money to pay for your plate and a little over for the bride and groom to enjoy. And with plates around a hundred euros, the present isn't cheap. When you receive an invitation to a communion it's more of the same. If the celebration is going to be in a restaurant, you have to buy clothes, go to the hairdresser, and give a cash present. Not as much, but not much less. Close relatives also give material presents. It used to be that children would get a small, gold bracelet or a gold ring or chain. Usually with an image of a saint or an angel. Something to remember what this is all about. Now, they also get Playstations, bicycles, cameras, tablets, smartphones, and all manner of outlandish presents for an eight or nine year old.
All in all, a communion nowadays is a miniature wedding in celebration, preparation, and price. One wonders if the Church Fathers ever had this in mind.
I remember my First Communion in Boston. It was in the month of May, and since the church had a school attached, very numerous. All the second-graders who attended the school, and practicing Catholics who didn't, made their communion en masse. No exceptions. I remember we occupied almost half the pews. After private pictures in front of the church, and a short stint at a photographer's studio, we went home, where my mother cooked for us and our guests, ten people total. There were two children invited with whom I played. Though it was May it was cold and we stayed indoors. (Around that date we had a late snowstorm.) That was a typical communion in Boston in those days.
In these days here a communion is big business. First, the dress. (I know more about girls' communions than boys' because I have a daughter I had to prepare for one.) You go to a store where they sell clothes for ceremonies. You look at the price tag; you look at your daughter. Is she about to receive a communion wafer for the first time or is she about to get married? While not quite as expensive as a wedding dress, communion dresses aren't cheap. Some price tags have numbers that make you want to run screaming out of the shop and declare your family atheists. (The only reason our daughter had First Communion was because of her grandparents. They contributed to make sure she took it.) And it's always more expensive for girls than for boys. Raw machismo. I mean, six hundred euros for a dress? That's what I paid for my wedding dress twenty years ago. (I don't even want to know what a wedding dress costs now!) Our daughter's dress was the cheapest we could find but still pretty.
Then, setting a date. Normally the communions are done when a parish celebrates the Holy Sacrament, the day the floral carpets are laid out and a procession goes around the parish. But not all families decide on that day. Our daughter made hers in August, along with her cousin and another friend. Sometimes families will want their child to be the only one taking Holy Communion so that attention will be focused on them. Those tend to be the families that like to show off their wealth and then eat a steady diet of cooked potatoes to be able to afford it. I didn't want the bother of the procession but I didn't want to be the only family up there, either, so we pacted with the other families, who didn't mind sharing the limelight.
Photographer. There is no communion without a photographer. There are studio photographs, and photographs in front of the altar alone, with parents, with grandparents, with cousins, with aunts and uncles, with friends, etc. Of course, the photo shoot in a garden or park can't be forgotten. Then there are photos at the restaurant of the child and all the guests. And of course, videos. Videos of the ceremony and later of each guest stuffing his face, just like at a wedding. And the photographer's price tag is just like at a wedding, too.
Next, the food. No celebration in Spain can be declared a celebration without food in abundance. For our daughter we had ordered the food from a restaurant whose owner is a friend of my husband's and we set up a table under our grape arbor in the shade. It was immediate family with an invited cousin. We ate well, drank well, and laid back as you can only do at home after you kick off your shoes. It was an agreeable afternoon. We were the exception. That's not how things are done here normally. Normally, the celebration takes place in a restaurant. With about a hundred fifty guests. If a plate at a wedding costs around a hundred euros, for a communion it can be from fifty to seventy, depending on how much shellfish you want and what vintage wine. Or more. Restaurants already have children's areas with inflatable slides, etc. You can even pay to hire amusement for the children.
And, of course, presents. People shudder when they receive a wedding invitation. Because it implies a lot of cash. You have to buy nice clothing, shoes, go to the hairdresser, and give a present. Unless you're not going, in which case you can give a material present, you have to give cash. The custom here is to give money to pay for your plate and a little over for the bride and groom to enjoy. And with plates around a hundred euros, the present isn't cheap. When you receive an invitation to a communion it's more of the same. If the celebration is going to be in a restaurant, you have to buy clothes, go to the hairdresser, and give a cash present. Not as much, but not much less. Close relatives also give material presents. It used to be that children would get a small, gold bracelet or a gold ring or chain. Usually with an image of a saint or an angel. Something to remember what this is all about. Now, they also get Playstations, bicycles, cameras, tablets, smartphones, and all manner of outlandish presents for an eight or nine year old.
All in all, a communion nowadays is a miniature wedding in celebration, preparation, and price. One wonders if the Church Fathers ever had this in mind.
I wonder if there are studies on how religious people are many years later.
ReplyDeleteHaving read the article a few times I have come to the conclusion that the Spanish are Catholic through tradition and not belief.
ReplyDeleteDL, very few are religious. We're not. My father and my mother-in-law are up to a certain extent. My father because to him Catholicism is the only religion we know. My mother-in-law because that's the only church everyone goes to. My father-in-law is, but privately, because it's the only correct religion to him. Our daughter has long been an atheist.
ReplyDeleteMike, it's mostly true. Because everyone has always had First Communion, of course that's what our children are going to have. Beside, otherwise they wouldn't have the party or get the presents. It's a social tradition, mostly, now about keeping up with the Joneses.
ReplyDeleteThanks María for the reply and I think your daughter is a non-believer rather than an atheist which is a very serious step in one's life.
ReplyDelete